


As Simple As You And Me

by freddiejoey



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-30
Updated: 2011-08-30
Packaged: 2017-10-23 06:12:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freddiejoey/pseuds/freddiejoey





	As Simple As You And Me

Part One

I don’t know sometimes if I truly believe in Arthur’s One God – but I do know that this is paradise, right here, right now. The undergrowth around us grows high and tall and our horses are down in the dip below the ridge safe from prying eyes. Today it is warm enough to lay shirtless in the sun at midday – but even if it was the dead of winter, I would still be able to settle here, clad only in my breeches, so warmed am I by Arthur’s dark head lying against my chest, his hand at ease in mine, the glow of his love……

Two weeks since Mark and the other chieftains rode away, still amazed that Arthur had tricked them by pretending to be dead, fourteen days since we defeated Cerdig in the marshlands, an eternity of anxiety followed by intoxication since my mouth first claimed Arthur’s beneath that swinging branch……..

Arthur is lying so still that I think he has fallen asleep in the heat of the early afternoon. Certainly we have drunk enough mead to warrant sleep – but I have never felt more awake, more alive, more rife. Gingerly, so as not to disturb my little brother, I ease a portion of sheepskin out from under my arse and throw it over the front of my breeches. If he was to wake up and see the flagrancy of my cock…….As it is, I may be able to claim the need to relieve myself before we leave and do the deed hastily enough in the bushes – else, I will be riding side-saddle all the way home.

It is a little while later that Arthur stirs, smiles drowsily, brushes his lips in a fiery flow toward my navel. I shudder in joy and his smile widens. We roll in an enraptured tangle through the bracken, the sky and the sun spinning as deliriously as my heart. Coming to rest ecstatically against a young sapling. Grinning at each other as if we exist in a rush of light and music, created by a tiny silver winged creature called Hope – because indeed we do.

Thankfully I do manage to escape and choke the chicken. When I return Arthur is placidly bundling our goods together. I stand for a moment simply gazing – that silky black hair that whispers across my skin like flame, those wondrous blue eyes, his whipcord body, his beautiful arse…………

Not a word has been spoken yet about………..that. I know Arthur’s experience has been confined to a few willing village girls, flattered to be singled out by their handsome young chieftain. My tastes have been, shall we say, more varied? There has been wider experimentation and diversion. But never before have I been in love…………(and in fact, never will I be again)……….

Arthur pulls the fastenings tight on his saddle bag. “Most of these things I will need again tomorrow. So they can stay in here Kai my heart.” I lean against the sapling for support. Every time he couples my name with those two words I flux into melting softness. Miraculously though my voice is steady. “You and Llud will be gone most of the day checking the warning systems on the far boundaries. I’ll have the dullest time, helping with the preparations for Gwenifer’s wedding.” Looking intently at the already strapped pouch, Arthur’s answer is very quiet. “Llud can always stay in charge of the village.”

At first I am too obtuse to understand. I think that he is simply referring to the fact that, despite his silver hand, Llud will still be more adept at the wicker work and hammering than me. Laughing, I lean forward to ruffle Arthur’s raven hair in jest – then halt in midstride, suddenly holding my breath. My brother has not moved. He remains, head bent, eyes downcast, as if waiting…….

Silently I curse my stupidity, uncertain all at once, what to do. Then I simply do the only thing I am capable of - kneel in wonder and kiss him as neither of us has ever been kissed before – a lover’s kiss, all fierceness and murmurings, all trembling limbs and ravished soul, clinging to my mouth like trickles of honey……..

Somehow I manage to ride home and stay upright on the horse’s back. Arthur is admirably calm, speaking about Gwenifer’s marriage feast and what needs to be done. Gwenifer is the daughter of one of Llud’s oldest friends – pretty and vivacious, betrothed to a fine young warrior in the village. Neither of us mentions what we both know – that all last winter I shared her bed and that her father discreetly offered to override her commitment to Cassian if I wished to take her for a wife.

Of course it was never a temptation – although apparently the very thought sent her bright-eyed little sister Leesa sobbing to sleep for a string of nights. Nor do I now wish to recall what only I am aware of - how each time I withdrew to spill my seed across her belly or breasts, it was my little brother who consumed me as I rocked and shuddered…….

Thank the gods Arthur can maintain some semblance of control as the day progresses and slides into night. I am as frisky and restless as a black-tipped hare in the spring mating season. Llud seems unconcerned that he is staying behind in the village tomorrow – and Arthur laughs at supper, demonstrating to him what my clumsy hands would have done to Gwenifer’s wedding wreaths if left to my own devices. Yet it is not marriage preparations that occupy my fevered mind……..

Lenni has roasted a duck for our evening meal – succulent and juicy, its carcass sits valiantly in a pool of rich grease as it cools. I eye it furtively, calculating how much I might need, every vein in my body burning, utterly overwrought. Impossible to look at Arthur, with his dazzling smile and beautiful mouth. Impossible to ignore my throbbing prick, leaping like an unbroken stallion beneath the table. Impossible to supply a coherent answer to our father’s perfectly straightforward questions about the warning systems requiring repair.

Finally Llud looks at me with a wrinkled brow, frowning. “You’ve been acting strangely again tonight Kai. A good warm cup of mead and early to bed I think. Go to Lenni before she retires, and get one of her sleeping draughts. Nothing too powerful. Just something to ensure you don’t toss and turn. There’s a busy day ahead for you and your brother tomorrow.”

I may as well be a tallow candle thrust directly into the hearth. I have just as much strength and co-ordination as I edge to the door, dizzy with relief to shroud my writhing hardness under my piebald cloak. When I glance back, Llud is preoccupied crunching into a pear and the look Arthur sends me transforms my innards into liquid nectar…….

The cool night air does nothing to lessen my swelter. If I loiter on the way and then linger in Lenni’s hut, Arthur and Llud may already be sleeping when I return to the longhouse. Lenni sees me coming and smiles a soft welcome. In the corner of her hut, one of the village children tosses fretfully, watched over anxiously by his mother. Quietly Lenni signs that she won’t be long and places a reassuring hand on the woman’s arm. A kind and thoughtful girl Lenni, as well as being clever and practical.

Returning Lenni’s smile I open my mouth to speak but she forestalls me – putting a finger to my lips and then one to hers. I grasp that she wants me to be reticent yet do not realize why. (Much later I will look back and wonder at my own extreme ignorance – and extreme good fortune.) Lenni shepherds me into the corner, behind the curtain where she prepares her medicinal potions.

From a shelf she takes down a small unguent vessel. I think, at first, that it is a sleeping draught, since I must already appear lightheaded enough to alert her as to why I am here. But I am utterly mistaken…..

Instead, cradled in her fingers, is the most beautiful bottle I have ever seen: purplish-red glass with a bulbish-shaped body and a tall thin neck, flecked with silver and gold iridescence. With a pounding heart I realise what it contains – with trembling fingers I clasp the vessel and conceal it inside my shirt. I am aware that Lenni knows about my feelings for Arthur – although how she guessed I cannot fathom. Nor can I imagine how she has discerned that we are ready……….

No matter. At his moment Lenni and her fragrant offering are a gift from the gods. Already fragile, I am suddenly blinded by a rush of hot tears. I blink them furiously away and taking Lenni’s hand, press it in gratitude against my lips.

That is when she starts to cry – great silent sobs that almost bend her double. Helplessly she gestures. “I thought that I could…..but you…..” Then her fingers flicker into emptiness…..I hold her close, not understanding, weak with gratitude, wobbly with promise – while her tears soak the black studded tunic she secretly stitched for me all last summer………

 

Part Two

When we ride to the ridge above the village, Arthur’s land is laid out before us like a verdant green blanket. On any other day I would be tempted to admire its windswept grandeur – but not today………. Not on this day of all precious days, when providence holds sway, when I need to recall each moment’s breath, when every fall will be broken by honey and milk……..

Arthur sits his white horse beside me laughing, the breeze whipping his thick black hair across his cheeks. We have ridden the far boundaries, completed all the necessary inspections, issued all the necessary instructions. Nothing to do now but find a shady spot, enjoy some of the chicken and mead in our saddle bags, return back to the village….Well almost nothing else – simply the world to catch afire…..

"Shall we eat?” Arthur wheels his horse and gallops toward the woods. I merely follow because I am simply not capable of more. Perhaps I would be less dazed if I had frittered away a longer time in Lenni’s hut last night – then Arthur, like Llud, might have been asleep when I returned to the longhouse. Instead, when I slipped through the bedroom door, my little brother was still awake and bright-eyed in the moonlight. As I passed his bed, Arthur reached out, interweaving his fingers through mine for a moment – and, at once, I was gone……….

Their touch was flame and frost………..and forever. I reeled to my bed and lay there, overwhelmed, breathless again at the miracle of what has happened – and what is to come……..

Now Arthur ducks his shiny dark head to ride below a low branch and we emerge into a small emerald clearing, girdled by tall saplings. Smiling, he dismounts, spreads his blue cloak upon the ground and unbuckles his sword belt. “Hungry big brother?” Quietly I slide from my horse and stand gazing silently at him, waiting. I want everything to be…….Suddenly I see that I have blundered. Arthur’s deep blue eyes grow almost violet with hesitation.

Damm impossible perfection to Hades. In a single stride I reach him. Mouth to mouth, my tongue slips past his lips. I melt and crumble, Arthur’s hand stroking my back and neck, caressing my cheek, tangling in my hair. A surge of contentment runs up my spine, a flood of elation topples my knees – and my prick is as hard as the rocks on the Hill of Morfyn…….

Lying entwined on his cloak, I cup Arthur’s face in my hands, asking one last time with my eyes if……shivering as almost shyly he nods, biting his lip. We grin at each other, happier than the morning sun. And , stumbling in wonder, we begin……..

He gasps as my hands softly coat his beautiful cleft with the perfumed oil. I know Arthur is anxious, his body clenched in uncertainty, his arse almost as rigid as my cock. Murmuring how much I love him, I gently caress his ring with light circular strokes, trying to give him pleasure, trying to soothe his taut sinews. Gradually I tickle his hardness, feeling it stiffen in response – then press with my slippery fingers on his opening, slowly stretching the muscles – and feel them tense in fear.

Immediately I withdraw my questing hand. I brush my mouth against Arthur’s hair, whispering that we can wait, there is a life-time ahead, there is no need…… My lips graze his cheek……and come away wet. Turning his head, his blue eyes engulf mine, shimmering and fierce. ‘No Kai, there is a need, mine, and I cannot wait……please my heart….. now…..” Savagely Arthur takes my hand and licks the fragrant balm from it, making me delirious with want and love and relief………

This time I put the pad of one moist finger on the surface of his arse and tenderly press outward from the middle, drawing out the whipcord muscles a fraction of a wondrous inch at a time. I hear Arthur’s sharp intake of breath, sense his instinctive resistance, ready myself to draw back again – then feel the heart-stirring revelation of his cleft relaxing in welcome………

Like the most exquisite flower, his arse opens from the centre outward, embracing my dewy finger in advance. Tentatively I hold my finger still, not endeavouring to move, hoping against hope…….and listen to my little brother’s answering whimper of joy. The most astounding intoxicating sound in the world.

Gently I start to drift my finger in and out, slowly twisting. Arthur gasps in shallow husky bursts, moaning low in his throat. I place my other musky hand against his balls, scooping and fondling – and he throws back his silky black head. His stormy eyes meet mine again – but now they are brimming with certainty.

Pressing two fingers against Arthur’s glistening ring, I softly push his luscious arse door open. I wait for him to absorb the increased sensation of fullness, hear his blissful sob, tenderly insert a third – and rotate my fingers in a languid halo.

All at once Arthur starts to rock, letting out a roar that stuns me with its ferocity, enraptures me with its exaltation…….and my hand clasping his throbbing cock is anointed by a translucent cascade. If…….it must be soon. In tremulous enquiry I guide his fingers to my burgeoning prick – and my little brother’s dazzling smile of sanction makes my heart fly.

Melting with love, I lower in the head of my cock, stopping as I sense Arthur’s intuitive clench of discomfort. I know, without vanity, that I am big and I am so afraid of hurting him…….. Softly I palm his supple balls. It is too soon……I have been remiss in my hankering and hurry…………I should have………Then I feel Arthur’s fingers intertwined with mine, his warm mouth claiming mine, his wet opening pushing back against the remainder of my prick……..

I have been so careful to ensure that we are sufficiently smeared that I simply slither in. The intensity of the maelstrom overwhelms us both. We are pitching and swaying, borne aloft, deluged by elation. I had thought I knew how much…….but I have known nothing, been completely ignorant, utterly raw…………..

Straddling Arthur’s strong lean thighs I thrust, rhythmic and deep………. My insides are aflame. I close my eyes tight, seeing a brilliant rainbow that washes over me like liquid sweetness…….. I think I call out his name; I know I bellow “I love you”. Then I open my eyes because I am drowning, sent to the brink……..my palm rains with Arthur’s pearly seed……..and when we emerge on dry land, the world is forever changed, fully transformed, glittering hereafter……….

Inevitably I have hurt him. Arthur denies it, lying burrowed against me afterwards, his cloak wrapped around us both, our love enfolding each other. I promise that next time it will be easier, better, and that there are other things……….Laughing, Arthur gently butts my shoulder. “I do not believe anything could be more pleasing my Kai,” he says seemingly light- hearted - but the intensity of his blue gaze belies the self-possession, as does the fervour of his lips seeking mine……..

And a little later we ride back to the village. I have never felt more at peace, any happier, more wanted……. The sun is warm on my shoulders. I look at Arthur, ahead on his white horse, turning now and again to remark on something or merely smile – and I falter, suddenly so unsteady on horseback that I fear I will simply fall and never cease plunging…….

We are almost safely home when we smell the smoke……

 

Part Three

I am utterly terrified…………. Not of Cerdig and his marauding hordes, not of the other Celtic chieftains and their hatred or demands, not of the responsibilities that come with leading my people - no, I am utterly terrified of my own heart…………

What Kai and I…….did………shared……..has renewed everything …….. transfigured the earth……….. I have been completely conquered - not by the sword but by love, my soul spellbound………

Once our secret thoughts and desires had been said aloud, it all seemed exactly as it was always meant to be…….. why we had ever hesitated or what we had feared I cannot say…….. I know that I have never seen the world the way I see it now…….that I have never seen green like this before, overarching the hills, or blue so vibrant across the skies, or sunshine so golden that it dazzles…….

Behind me Kai rides, looking so calm and certain and at peace. I wonder at his ability to be so after what has happened……. I feel as if I will be nothing but gruel and feathers forever more……… It will be a miracle if I reach the village still upright on my horse’s back…….

Then, rounding a bend in the track, we are assailed by the stench of burning - the village, my village is ablaze, my people panicked as they run franticly with buckets, trying to douse the flames. I shout at someone, asking where is Llud? Tugram’s brother Ermid yells that he was called away to see Ambrosius (the wily old chieftain whose lands abut mine to the east) and that the Saxons attacked after Llud left.

Suddenly, through the smoke and confusion, rides Nissyen, one of my sentries, bellowing that the Saxons are coming back. Flying down to the river, we crouch down, ready to drive back any new offensive. But it is only one single longboat that approaches – a longboat that seems sparsely laden. I remark softly to Kai that it is lying low against our spears and glance at him, still lost in wonder…..

Just a few hours ago I laid low against his rock-hard golden spear, pierced through by ecstasy, and my arse throbs with gratified paroxysms in remembrance. Kai has said that each time will be finer, more consummate – yet I do not see how. Already I am fully submerged…….

Now Kai murmurs that “The first head to be split will be with this”, indicating his axe and leaps into the longboat. Yet nothing more alarming greets him than two wide-eyed Saxon children – Elka and Krist, one day to be part of our lives again, more than once…….I carry Elka ashore and Kai shelters Krist, pursued by Gobnat, deranged bitch, with her demented howls for vengeance. Looking sideways at Kai, I grin ruefully, trying to reach him, already sensing that his mood is turning……..

Whether because the whole day has been irrevocably spun on its head or because once again he has been sharply reminded of how hated his Saxon heritage is I cannot yet fathom. Or maybe Kai is growing grim simply because we have been tossed from rapture to blight in one fell swoop. After hankering for so long…….. If only we had returned to the village to discover no more than the preparations for Gwenifer’s wedding underway…..

All at once though there is the need to be practical. I know before I speak what will have to be done with Krist and Elka. There is no choice, no decisions to be made actually. Kai is resistant and angry. Immediately I am guilt-stricken – agonizing that he sees this mission as a rejection, that he thinks what has happened between us somehow means less to me than it has to him. He could not be more wrongfully wrong – but there is no way to tell him so with two bewildered little Saxon faces gazing up at us for reassurance.

The rest of the evening is given over to the pragmatic business of feeding and washing and comforting the children. Kai insists that he is no good with them – when precisely the opposite is true. Yet his spirits darken with the night. Doesn’t he glean that with Llud gone all I really want is to share his bed, sleep in his arms, with our bodies twisted around each other? And if he does not understand, how have I already failed?

With no other recourse, I sleep in my bed and Kai chastely in his, while Elka and Krist remain restless and wakeful in Llud’s until the first rose of dawn streaks the sky. Feeling Gobnat’s needle-pointed eyes on us, I settle Krist behind Kai on horseback and Elka in front.

Deep within, something has already started to shift and fester – self-reproach? stabs of conscience? sorrow? I was absent, I was luxuriating in Eden while my village was attacked and burned, my people put at risk. When I farewell Kai, my tongue is too goading. “Don’t get too involved with your Saxon brothers and stay there” I tease – but the teasing has a provocative edge, for all we are being watched and must be mindful.

The look Kai turns on me is luminous with hurt. I bite my lip as I walk back into the longhouse. The tumble has been too precipitous - one moment joy, the very next upheaval……

And it is while Kai is away that the doubts gnaw and canker in earnest. If Llud had been there perhaps………but our father is busy with Ambrosius for four more days, mending and fortifying his encampment as it too has been overrun by Saxons. Alone in the longhouse, my feverish thoughts swirl in ever-increasing circles, snake in ever-decreasing spirals. On and on - a wild labyrinth of confusion and clamour. I feel frenetic and light-headed.

What Kai inspires in me is too overwhelming, too capable of intoxicating and distracting me…… Towards the end of the second day I return the unguent vessel to Lenni – the gift given to her mother Ana by my mother Vala in thanks for my safe delivery. I am an out-and-out coward – refusing to meet her enquiring brown eyes, refusing to acknowledge her tears.

Then I reach what I believe to be an inevitable fated conclusion. I have fallen in love once and never will again (in this I am utterly right). I will never love a woman (but here I am wrong – I will love two, one a haughty Roman witch who will almost tear my life to shreds, the other a fiery Jutish princess with a viper’s tongue and an infinite heart), I will never father children (thankfully wrong again), I will live simply for the protection of my people. Of Kai I cannot bear to think……………

The sight of my big brother riding, bloodied, into the village cleaves my heart. Instinct shrills at me to run to him, hold him, swear to him that he is my essence, that I have missed him with an ache that surpasses understanding……… Instead I stand back, stiff and unyielding.

Lenni has left this morning, tending a childbirth in a neighbouring camp, so it is another village woman, Mair, who supports Kai as he dismounts, making soothing noises as she examines his wounds. I see the bewilderment and anguish, the searing lack of comprehension in his beautiful brown eyes, as Mair helps him past me into the longhouse. He may have ridden away sullen, but he has returned in a completely transformed, hopeful state of mind. ……….

Much later Kai will tell me about his time sitting bound on the floor of the confinement hut, sobbing, because he had been so sure he was going to die. How he had regretted more than anything that we would never touch again, that he would never see me smile, never be able to tell me that my heart is his home – and so my heart will fragment all over again………

For now though I wait outside while Mair dresses his gashes and bruises. She is kindly but does not possess Lenni’s skills so that the bandage she binds around Kai is awry. When I see it, I long to straighten the crooked cloth – yet I know that once I brush a finger against that smooth glowing skin I will be forever lost……

Mair has at least put out grapes and peaches for Kai to supposedly enjoy. In the flickering candlelight, he is the most wondrous thing in the world, a newly born Bacchus, a golden Dionysius – my love and my life………. Silently he puts out a pleading hand to me, asking without words, but I determinedly pretend to be oblivious – and his hand falls away into memory……….

I sit on the other side of the room, unbending, informing him that he must wear his wound proudly since it is the only gift he will ever receive from the Saxons. Arguing, when Kai says that they have more to offer, that they believe in a strange justice since they steal our lands and burn our villages. Refusing to be inveigled by his description of the fair trial they gave him and his insistence that they gave him the gift of life. (Stupid stubborn proud fool that I am – they have given me the gift of life also, since a life without Kai would simply be a life without light or hope, a life in which no breath could be drawn.)

Finally I say that he can have our bed chamber on his own so that he can rest peacefully. I get up to go to the sleeping nook beside the hearth where I slept as a child – before my mother left, before Llud and Kai moved into the longhouse. As I pass my brother I make some remark about his good fortune that he did not die.

At first I do not understand Kai’s low murmur in reply, “Better if I had…..” I give an austere bark of laughter. “Why? You are home and can heal.” He looks up at me with a swimming gaze drowning in desolation. “I am dead inside now anyway.”

I turn aside, eyes downcast, so that he will not see my traitorous tears, so I cannot be utterly undone by his………

 

Part Four

One week passes, then two. It is far more difficult once Llud returns. Our shrewd father knows at once that something is brutally wrong. I am withdrawn and bad-tempered and brittle. Kai is as mute as Lenni – not to mention Lenni’s own tearful reproachful face greeting me every morning at the longhouse table……

In one thing though my brother has been completely mistaken. I may feel wasted and bereft inside but it is not a death. The dead have no obligations or duties. No bleak memories either if the One God is merciful. Certainly nothing to regret. I have all of these and so much more……. Life trudges along, leaden and joyless.

Llud tries a few times to draw me into conversation – as he must Kai. But I evade his questions. Instead I remain solitary and aloof. Since the old shared intimacies like bathing in the river together with my big brother are also now forfeit, I am able to ride down by myself – evasion again since salt water mingles unbroken with fresh and my reddened eyes can be ascribed to overly vigorous scrubbing. (And if something else flows into the river after vigorous cleansing then it is my secret alone.....)

Once Kai’s wound heals, he begins a dalliance with Esla since Gwenifer is now married. Esla is beautiful and has long desired my brother. I should not be surprised; I should not be resentful; it should not smite my heart…….

Esla’s sister Nessa is sweet and gentle and amenable. I take her to the guest quarters a few times in the expectation of finding the experience tolerable, perhaps even liking it well . Instead it is like pleasuring cold pottage. No fault of hers – any man, so inclined, would find Nessa enchanting. But I am inclined only to hanker after the moon…….

One month passes, then almost two. Kai and I start to laugh together again occasionally, to be a little easier in each other’s presence. I watch Llud relax, thinking that life might be returning to normal – and the storm, whatever its cause, may have blown away.

On the surface there does indeed seem to be a resumption of normality. There is still weapons practice and hunting, a visit to Mark, a visit from Dirk, feasting in the longhouse. Yet surfaces are only good for concealing the murkiness beneath......

Lenni’s brown eyes remain sad. In Kai’s is something that I am too cowardly to read – to say nothing of the relentless ache at the base of my stomach that won’t abate, the unshed wad of tears always clenching my throat, the fact that I am living my life in perpetual eventide……. It is almost as if I am waiting for the world to throw down a gauntlet to me since I lack the courage to do it myself – and, at the beginning of the third month, the world obliges……

Garet and Gawain have always been a splintered shield at my back – squabbling and feuding. But they demand my attention since they are somehow kin of mine through my first father Travon. When a scout comes in to say that they are brawling again in the woods, it seems an easy enough matter to ride out with Kai and Llud and bring the half-witted pair to heel.

But……..oh, in this (as in so much else) my reasoning is spurious too……. In fact the waiting is over……..the world is tired of marking squandered time and is simply holding its breath now………

My anger churns and erupts. Garet and Gawain are stripped of their swords and banished to Gaul. I ride along with a face (and a heart) of stone and a whip-lash tongue. That might just have been that – the disputatious cousins loaded on to the Greek trader, Kai and I home with Llud, back to a longhouse chilled by forbearance and denial, despite any supposed evidence of a recent thaw. Except that, like a pair of slippery eels, Garet and Gawain venture to escape.

I capture my quarry first and Kai's new spear becomes mine. So the provocation commences, the contest ensues......... Afterwards I will never be sure who or what I am striving to slay or have slain – my brother? my ravening desire? my unruly heart?

From the start though Llud is seriously alarmed – certain this is about far more than the ownership of weapons, catching hare-brained miscreants or brotherly rivalry. Kai and I may start challenging each other with spears aimed simply at the horizon or a target bolted to a tree. But that is merely the prelude.

Inexorably we progress to hurling the bound spears at each other, blocking them with our shields. My spear finds its target, grazing Kai's leg and he flings himself on to horseback, compelling me to do likewise. Then we charge breakneck at each other repeatedly, until the tip of Kai's spear gashes my shoulder. Seething, we thrash ferociously head on, swinging and slamming until I manage to dislodge Kai's weapon from his grasp.

With burnished axe and wickedly honed sword, our shields are demolished, the din of destruction resounding across the green meadow to our father. Several times Llud attempts to intervene and halt our madness – to no avail: “You behave like children, both of you.” “Don't be so grim Llud. Young men must have their sport”............. “Arthur, that's enough.” “It's a game Llud. Only a game............”

I slice my brother's stirrup and he topples to the grass. Climbing to his feet, Kai is a magnificent golden-brown Ares, all wind-tousled flaxen hair, gleaming eyes and intense beautiful mouth. My cock is rigid and pulsating, straining rapaciously against my breeches, every muscle in my groin taut and throbbing. It is the most exquisite enraging torment.........

Again our weapons clash and jar savagely – until Kai's Saxon dexterity sends my blade spinning away into the blue air. For an instant our gazes lock, acknowledging that this is about so much more than swordsmanship..........Then I spring toward my horse and retrieve a short sword.

My brother gives a seemingly devil-may-care laugh, asking for a short sword of his own - “A fair exchange, the advantage of my axe for your horse.” Am I mistaken, when for a heartbeat, I hear a note of raw despair in his voice?

Kai casts aside his axe and it falls, out of sight, at the bottom of the slope. Both now armed with short swords, we stab and swipe, venom ever-increasing. My blade opens an angry red weal just above Kai's waist; he slivers my sword arm. All at once I see nothing but crimson - boiling fiery scarlet fury........

Years of bridled longing, not daring to speak my love aloud, professing that my feelings were nothing but brotherly concern. Now, the last few harrowing months of renunciation and eschewal, self-imposed though they may have been – I could perhaps live with supping meagrely had I not once feasted – but I have..... on roast venison, mountain snow flavoured with citrus and the most aromatic honeyed mead........

The gall at myself, at life, the world, overwhelms. Jabbing and lunging, we continue on frenziedly until I fall – and then trip Kai. Clawing, scratching, choking, clouting with bare hands, we roll across the grass and down the slope, landing, winded, in the soft mud and water below.

Fists and feet, elbows and knuckles, my brother and I pummel and pound, becoming sopping and drenched. Through the ruddy haze veiling my vision, I glimpse Kai's axe, flung away a lifetime ago....... I seize it and strike........

 

Part Five

It seems to last forever – Kai rolling aside with nothing to spare, the axe smacking the mud with a dull squelching thud, everything at last becoming completely quiet and completely clear........

My big brother stands, the water dripping from his mire-splattered body, knife grasped desperately in one trembling hand. Everafter I will know that he could have used the weapon, while we punched and tore, yet refrained...... A white butterfly darts blithely around us...... my heart hammers as if it must surely leap from my chest......... and slowly I raise my head to meet Kai's impenetrable brown eyes.........

In the lull I fling my brother's axe away. Suddenly it is all gone – the guilt, the self-condemnation, the attrition – flown away on the wings of the fleet ivory butterfly ......and I am left with only the truth. That I have fallen for always , that I have been afraid of nothing more than the beating of my own heart, that I am the greatest fool alive...........

Slowly I turn, retrieve the discarded axe, hand it silently to Kai. I pray that he understands........ Without a word he takes it from me, without looking at me he wades out of the water............ I feel as if my leaden sodden legs will not hold me upright and still I cannot judge if he ............ But somehow I manage to follow my brother, slithering through the glistening mud, and start to clamber up the slope towards Llud.

Near the top, I stumble. Kai puts out a hand to steady me – and I shiver from so much more than the damp......... Llud regards us expressionlessly while Garet and Gawain appear to be nothing more than sheepish naughty children. A few hours ago I was angry enough to banish them to Gaul. Now it seems like an eternity and I can hardly recall why their arms are bound.

I smile at our father and Llud's lips twitch. He severs the quarrelsome cousins' bonds – and finally I summon the courage to turn my head toward Kai. His beautiful brown eyes simply say all there is to know ..........

With flawless fatherly instinct, Llud shepherds Garet and Gawain back toward the horses. “Best you both go down and wash yourselves clean of that muck, while I give these two dolts a few words of timely advice.” He marches off, brooking no argument.

Actually, I remain reasonably self-possessed until we reach the water again – then my knees are thistle and I sob so hard that my words are muffled burrs. “I love you my Kai........ forgive me........please.......although I will never deserve......” Then Kai's arms are around me and he is murmuring as his frantic lips sweep my hair and rain down on my face and crush my mouth. “Hush little brother …. just let me be the one that you love.......you are my reason.........” And his voice splinters as we tumble, entangled, back into the mud......

God alone knows what anybody would think if they saw us.........Wet, grimy, delirious, kissing and clinging as if the world has just been born anew (because indeed it has)........All at once, I feel Kai's hardness, as rampant as any spear, brushing against my soaking breeches – and my own cock paying tribute.... I am flooded by a craving to have him inside me again, melting my innards, ensnaring my spirit– however, time is too short........ We are supposed to be washing and Llud is waiting..........Yet perhaps there is something ........

I have never done this before. There has been no man before Kai (and there will never be another after.) My big brother's brown eyes widen in enquiry and wonder as I kneel and gaze upwards at him, asking if........

Kai's prick is huge and throbbing and achingly swollen – tasting deliciously of freshness and welcome and beginnings.........I know that I am clumsy and fumbling, sucking too rife and that once or twice my teeth slip...... My hand at the base of his burgeoning shaft tremors, I treat his sleek balls rather as if they are almonds requiring skinning and my tongue skids like a horse voraciously licking salt (such a rare precious commodity)...................But, when Kai comes, dousing my mouth with milky syrup, my soul is lifted to the edge of heaven.........

“Well, you were quite a while longer than I expected.” Llud narrows his eyes at Kai and me. “I suppose at least you are clean now.” He looks sternly at Garet and Gawain. “You pair of geese had better ride off home before your mothers grow anxious. Make an offering to the gods for your good fortune – next time I will pay the ferryman to take you to Gaul myself.”

We are mostly quiet on the ride home. Llud is now fuming, I am in some sort of euphoric daze and Kai simply seems peaceful…………….. and happy. Our father gives him a sharp glance. “I don’t know what you’re smiling at Kai. That exhibition this afternoon was disgraceful. Wasting your weapons training in ridiculous challenges – and wounding each other in the process.” His head whips toward me. “And I certainly expected you to have more common sense Arthur. It’s all well and good berating others and threatening them with banishment when you can behave in a prudent manner yourself – which at the moment you clearly cannot.” I bite my lip hard, trying to appear suitably chastened. If I glance at Kai even once, I will be utterly lost - and then remember, that miraculously, I already am……….

As soon as we enter the palisade, Llud dispatches us sternly to Lenni’s hut. She knows, of course, from the moment we duck through the door. Away from inquisitive eyes, Kai presses his lips against my hair and I lean contentedly into him.

Brave generous girl Lenni. She does nothing more than smile with delight as if the result is as fulfilling for her as for us. In fact, Lenni does not even bother to ask what has happened or who has inflicted the damage – it must already be glaringly obvious to her anyway.

Kai’s gash will not fester once it has been cleansed and smeared with her rosemary salve – nor will the cut to my sword arm. But Lenni makes a firm gesture after examining the rent in my shoulder – it will need to be burned. I make light of it because I can see the tears shimmering in my big brother’s eyes – while his hands holding me calm and whispered “I love you” somehow make it more than bearable……

Finally Lenni shoos Kai and me outside. She signs that there is warm roast boar and fresh mead in the longhouse. “Best go and enjoy it – I did not prepare it for nothing”, her fingers bid us. In the doorway Kai turns back, bends and kisses her cheek – and I smile quietly to myself.

Lenni is not generally considered beautiful (not in the way that chestnut-haired Gwenifer is or her little sister Leesa with her sparkling hazel eyes, not like elegant Esla.) But in this moment, gazing at Kai, she is radiant (as will be her laughing blonde daughter, my niece.) My big brother has been absolutely oblivious for almost ten years. It occurs to me that if, one day, it should ever become a question of........then Kai might just require a kindly nudge in the right direction........

A little while later Llud comes bustling through the sleeping chamber door in the longhouse. What he sees halts him emphatically in midstride........

Kai and I are sprawled out in front of the fire on a jumble of sheepskins. I lie in utter bliss, my head across Kai's knees, my fingers entwined through my big brother's, his other hand softly stroking the tangled dark hair back from my forehead. Kai looks up at our father and grins.

Llud stares for a moment, speechless – and then sighs, shaking his head in a bemused fashion. “I don't know whether to leather both of you out of sheer exasperation because of what you have put me through during the last few months – let alone today. Or to simply kneel and thank Vesta. On second thoughts, I will do neither. I am going up to Tugram's hut to eat two helpings of his wife's excellent chicken, dice, and get rip-roaring drunk. But I will certainly speak to you two daft simpletons severely again in the morning.” Trying and failing to conceal his relieved smile, our father departs, shutting the door quietly behind him.

“Well?” Kai raises one flaxen eyebrow. “Better little brother?” I put up my hand and stroke his beloved face, the skin golden and smooth. “Kai, my heart, words cannot……… they’re far too inadequate to describe……. but I think you already know and if you don’t……” His mouth meets mine in one long slow delicious kiss, turning my knees to water, making me extremely grateful that I am already lying down lest I would simply plummet………

My brother draws back, looking faintly amused. “Why the frown Arthur? I was feeling rather pleased with myself.” I laugh gently against his shoulder. “Oh, so you should be my Kai……no, I was simply wondering why the business of being in love has to be so complicated.” Kai smiles tenderly, his voice suddenly serious. “But it’s not really complicated at all little brother – it’s as simple as you and me.” And his lips trail fire against my throat……

When I awaken early the next morning I am certain at first that something is very wrong. A wound near my shoulder, newly burned, frets and thumps, another on my sword arm smarts with a dull ache, and every muscle is stretched. There must have been a skirmish, a battle, and I have survived, battered but still whole.

Then I turn, open my eyes – and the epiphany unfolds……. I realize that I am sheltered in Kai’s arms. Weak with love, I burrow my head against his warm chest, listen to his rhythmic breathing……… There has indeed been a fierce skirmish - no, something far greater – a mighty battle……. but what has survived, battered perhaps, yet evermore secure in Kai’s keeping, has been my whole heart……

 

Part Six

 

Llud has often said that the remedy for any ill of the body or the heart is salt water – the sea, tears or sweat. Perchance he is right – the sweat of that challenge acted out with him, Garet and Gawain for an audience was no doubt curative for Arthur and me. But the measureless tears that I shed in the weeks after returning Elka and Krist to their village did nothing to assuage my splintered heart. No words can ever come close to encompassing the desolation………

( Although perhaps there are purposes unbeknownst……Years later, when my eldest son is a young newly-blooded warrior, he will think that his heart has been shattered – although, in truth, it has only been slightly furrowed by a capricious girl not worth the bother. In tears, Theo will remonstrate, accusing me of deprecating his pain because I tell him sharply that he won’t really know anguish until the love of his life breaks his heart. “When did my mother ever do that to you?” he will shout, almost sobbing with rage.

What he will not see is the quick glance flashed between Lenni and Rowena – a glance twinged with collusion – or the way that Llud’s eyes are cast up to the heavens. Throughout this fiery exchange, the love of my life has in fact been sitting a few feet away at the longhouse table, listening, his younger daughter sitting on his lap and tracing out her letters on a rough piece of parchment.

Ever the master of diversionary tactics, Arthur will grin at me sympathetically, {rendering me more weak-kneed than ever since I am now infinitely more in love}, hand Shannyn to Rowena, and ask Theo to walk with him to inspect the village boys’ weapons training. Where my son will be given a thorough account of my misadventures with Goda and Arthur’s own concerning Benedicta. So Theo will return home in the dusk much happier, reassured that, yes, his father and his uncle once made utter fools of themselves over women and still lived to greet another day…. Of course, she who is the love of Theo’s life, has been here all along, right under his nose, but that is another story…… )

And all that is far off in the future……………….

The day after our challenge, Arthur retrieved the unguent vessel from Lenni so he is now firmly back in her good graces. Although the vessel has now been returned again empty – after all, it is Lenni’s remembrance token. The remaining oil is in a perfectly plain earthenware jar under my bed ( to be honest, some things may be too alarming even for Llud……)

Or maybe not……A few days later, when Arthur is busy with a messenger from Yorath the Jute, I sit in the sun outside the longhouse, rebinding the shaft of my axe. Our father comes whistling along and crouches down beside me as if he has no other purpose in life than to watch me work. He looks curiously around, calls a greeting to a passing farm hand, makes a cheerful remark about how tall Olwen’s eldest son is becoming.

Casually Llud gestures toward the wound near my waist. “Everything mending nicely?” At once, I know he is referring to so much more than the healing gash. Slowly I smile at him. “Yes, better than well…… better than anything……” Llud nods, seemingly satisfied, and gets to his feet. Then, he bends toward me again, as if still intensely interested in the very ordinary task I am now finishing. “You know Kai, it is often the darned fragments of ….. things that prove to be much stronger than the original pieces.” And our father walks away, shouting out a joke to Tugram, leaving me blinking back tears and absurdly happy……

Despite everything, there was a moment after the battle against the Picts when I feared…. Arthur and I were in such ferocious dispute over his defensive and my offensive ideas that I thought the worst. The weeks following our ruckus ending in the mud had been glorious – but I knew my heart would never weather a second repudiation….

Something I should have learned long ago from my practical little brother – that trust is the root of love……… During the ensuing feast to celebrate our victory, I am filling a mead pitcher in the corner, when there is a brotherly arm slung around my shoulders and his warm breath tickling against my ear makes me splash the honey wine all down the front of my breeches.

“Was it Garet or Gawain who said that only holy men and cowards agree all the time Kai my heart? Who actually cares?” His slim hips graze mine and my resolve stiffens……..all over. “I love you more than life and if the longhouse was not full of revellers, I would be on my knees licking off that spilt mead…… Tomorrow you and I must surely go hunting in the woods together for…….daisies.” Arthur gives a dazzling smile - and I have been impossibly dreamy-eyed ever since…….

Now, Arthur’s silken lips laughingly brush mine, and my heart takes flight. “I somehow think that our father enjoyed his sojourn with Rolf the Penitent far more than he is admitting my Kai. There must have been some ……….other attractions that he’s determined to keep furtive.” We are lying under my cloak in the hiding place down beside the river. The days are getting shorter and chillier. My hand rubs gently across the place where the Pictish knife entered his back. The wound is just starting to scab over – something like my flying heart……

I grin at Arthur and his blue eyes dance. “Yes alright big brother, you already know that there have been a few risky moments lately on your account. Certainly, having Llud attend to this gift from the Picts wasn’t pleasant, but afterwards you wrapped your fur around me and your touch……. Let’s just say it was lucky Hereward the Holy couldn’t see the very unholy things that were happening underneath that pelt…… I wasn’t only trembling from pain when I stumbled to my chair.” Pulling him closer, I am flooded by tenderness, amusement – and unending gratitude.

“Well little brother…….” I try and look grave. “You weren’t the only one having….. difficulties. I was overcome by the sight of your wound……but there was also the matter of you looking so beautiful stretched out on that fur. My black breeches have never seemed so tight……it was a little frustrating to say the least.”

Arthur’s smile lights up the dappled refuge where we are nestled together. “Then you became so angry - ‘I can still fight beside my men’ was what you flung at me.” I bury my face against his navel and flick my tongue around lazily inside . My little brother begins to moan low in his throat.

“The thing is Arthur” – my famished lips kiss the lean muscles of his stomach - “I don’t think you quite realise what effect you had, draped in that pelt the colour of snow” – I reach one stiff nipple and start to suck – “Of course I was in a room full of onlookers– so had to keep my hands to myself” – my mouth devours his second nipple – “then it only got worse – there was your battle plan, all bread and knives and apples” – I slide my tongue into the hollow at the base of his throat – “and there you were – your hair falling into your eyes, all fierce” – my lips begin to trace a trail of whispery kisses along the nape of his neck – “Alright, we weren’t exactly agreeing about battle strategy” – I nibble on one delectable creamy ear lobe – “but frustration was rearing its head again” – and gnaw softly at the other – “or rather something else was rearing as well with no release” – my tongue caresses his chin – “So once you started sprouting about boars running on to spears, there was absolutely no hope.” – and he sweeps me off to ecstasy as his mouth crushes mine…….

I am already rigid and I feel Arthur’s swollen cock brush against my stomach, as hard as a stake. Overpowered by heaving gasps, my little brother offers me the jar of oil…… but I have been waiting for this…….surely it is time…….. and grinning, I hand it back………..

Arthur’s blue eyes widen until I could simply plunge into their indigo depths and be engulfed……. My breathtaking beloved little brother…… “We’d better make haste Arthur ……I am almost………. and you are my chieftain……..” I place his hand around my throbbing prick and seal our pact with a kiss encircling all the love inside of me . “Lead me on into your deliverance…..”

He is inside me now and we are one…….. one life, one soul, one spirit…… I try to hold back the burgeoning swell but sooner bridle the tidal flow…… it bursts forth, groaning and shuddering, just as Arthur bays like thunder in a mighty roar – and I am filled with his essence…….

“So my Kai,” We are almost back at the village, the shadows lengthening, a cold wind starting to echo, the welcome scent of roasting supper floating out to greet us. “You were absolutely right about what you said the night after our challenge.” I bring my horse alongside Arthur’s, furrowing my brow. “As I recall little brother, there was rather a lot to say, not to mention do ……what exactly….?” Arthur smiles tenderly. “Well, that love was quite simple really – as simple as you and me. And so it is - your heart to mine, my heart to yours.”

I sigh in utter contentment. We are inside the palisade now and so it is only my eyes that can speak as I behold my beautiful little brother. I hope that they are able to say……. everything……then realize that indeed they must - since reflected back in Arthur’s luminous blue gaze I can see the promise of forever……


End file.
